Somehow We Lost
by CayshaGriffin
Summary: Post Infinity Wars, the Avengers and Guardians are picking up the pieces. Tony has completely extracted himself from everything and everyone since returning to Earth despite everyone's best efforts. Steve needs to see the genius after 2 years of avoiding the events that drove them apart.
1. Where Are You?

Author's Note: These characters belong to Marvel and Disney. I only own the plot!

Thanos hadn't won.

It was the one thing Steve could say for sure without feeling a niggling of doubt in his chest. That didn't mean they'd won though.

In the end, they still lost. The universe, Earth, the Avengers and Guardians. It was carved in the faces of Shuri and Parker, having lost large remnants of their youthful innocence in the midst of war with unforgiving consequences and their time in the soul realm. In the new hardness to Clint and his very sudden and understandably wordless disappearance when his family returned. There was the pain of the survivors like Quill and Wanda who would not know the relief of a returning loved one.

Some would be fine. Bucky and Natasha had survived worse and to them this had been another cruel war in a long lines of wars they'd made it through. Scott went home with his small band intact after Thanos' defeat.

That left very little room for past quarrels and disagreements for most of the teams. As Wakandans and Avengers found solace in bonding with their old teammates and allies and putting things in the past to be stronger and solid for whatever came next.

And it's how Steve found himself back in New York at a familiar place and yet somewhere he hadn't been in over two years. Tony's lab door.

Rhodey had informed Steve that the genius hadn't been at the newer Avengers compound since returning to Earth. Pepper explained their relationship had been put indefinitely to the side. Any information Steve gathered, the people giving it had the mercy to not ask why he hadn't gotten it from Tony himself.

Steve knew he wasn't welcome here.

The last time he'd seen Tony was on the battlefield, thankfully on the same side as Steve this time. The charismatic genius had a wild, feral look in his eyes then. It was clear Tony was ready to tear the mad titan apart limb from limb himself, Iron Man suit or not. It was the same look Steve remembered from Siberia, a look that had haunted the soldier longer than he'd like to admit. It had kept him away from Tony until now.

Why was he here now?

"Cap'n Rogers?"

Steve inhaled sharply, blinking at the still closed door in front of him before he recognized the Irish lilt.

"Hey, Friday," he murmured. He waited for the harsh dismissal Tony no doubt had given her.

Instead the AI let a very human pause lapse before answering that made Steve look skyward at the source of her voice.

"It's nice to see you again, Cap'n." Friday said warmly. "Though if a girl can be honest, you look a bit rough."

Friday, the warmer successor to Jarvis speaking to him kindly was an unexpected, surprisingly relieving feeling that loosened the tightness in Steve's chest a little. His mouth quirked a sad smile as he rubbed at his bearded cheek a little.

"Been a rough few years, Friday."

"Ain't that the understatement of year," she chirped in agreement.

It helped. But the gravity of what he was about to do settled in again quickly. "Is Tony in the lab?"

"The boss is in," Friday said hesitantly. "Not in a good way though."

Steve took a deep breath, "I know. That's why I'm here."

"I'm glad to hear it." And Friday really did sound it. "I'll make sure you're not interrupted."

At her words the door slid open to an unnervingly quiet lab. There was no blasting noise of rock music or sound of machinery being put through its paces.

Steve braced himself and stepped in, hearing the door close behind him with a mechanical click of the lock moving into place.

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	2. Baby Steps

The quiet was complete once the door closed behind the Steve. The machines were quiet and still, even Dummy was pushed into a corner and deactivated. It was a strangely disturbing. Steve had very few memories of the lab being quiet while Tony occupied the space and the few times it had, the genius had been in a bad way after a mission.

Sharp blue eyes took in the terrain and missed the pile of tools that had been lain out in a deliberate line across the pathway. Steve's foot sent a wrench skittering across the lab floor, the sound shattering the sterile silence of the lab.

"FRIDAY!" A furious voice bellowed from a corner of the lab where a human shaped shot to his feet from the couch that lived in the lab for the genius to catch cat naps between projects. "I said not to let another person in this lab or I'd deactivate you!" His voice was vicious snap. "And Rhodey, if I have to throw something heavy at you, I am way beyond caring at this fucking point…"

Tony abruptly stopped talking as he came into view and the unusual sight the genius made felt alien and wrong to Steve.

The black wife beater and jeans looked like Tony had been living in them, stained and stiff in places. Most of what was visible of his chest and right arm was wrapped and bandaged, his face looking haggard from lack of sleep was covered in still healing cuts and bruises from a battle months old. His sunken eyes were wide and slightly panicked when they fastened on Steve, but while Tony's previously hostile stance had loosened with surprise the soldier hadn't missed that the grip around a large hammer had gone white knuckled.

There was a good chance he was the last person Tony needed or wanted to see. But if Tony threw the hammer at least Steve knew he'd be the best person to take the blow and be okay aftewards. Hell, they both knew it, which raised the chances of getting hit right now.

"Tony…" Steve braced for it when he took a short step forward, holding his hands palms forward in front of him to show he had come in peace. Tony backed up a step and Steve immediately stopped, holding his breath.

What did he say?

Tony figured it out for him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Tony breathed, looking for all the world like he was ready to bolt.

It's not a look Steve recognized or liked.

"No one's seen you in over a month, Tony," Steve said as evenly as he could, staying put. "Anyone who's tried to talk to you hasn't been able to get into building, let alone the lab besides Rhodey. And obviously even he's not making far," Steve gestured at the hammer.

Brown eyes narrowed suspiciously at him. "And how did you get in here? I had access locked down to only a few-"

Steve cut him off by pulling out his cellphone none chalantly and hitting play on a video he already had prepped on the screen as a guilty looking Peter Parker started to speak.

"Mr. Stark I am so sorry, but Captain Rogers had this really good point when he said he was worried about you," the kid was babbling like he was live and in person trying to apologize before Tony had the chance to chew him out. "So I kind of had Karen talk to Friday and did a little hacking and gave Captain Rogers my Stark Tower pass card," which Steve pulled from his pocket to show the kids gawky faced Stark intern badge. "A-and we kinda thought maybe you'd listen to him?" The kid sounded unsure but hopeful, rubbing at the back of his head in the video. "I've also done some dumb stuff lately and it doesn't feel the same if you aren't giving me disappointed superdad talks. I hope you're doing okay." The video ended with Peter giving the screen a warm and worried smile before it paused.

Steve watched Tony's face the whole time. It went through a gambit of emotions that started with fury, annoyance and finally pain. "Dammit, kid," Tony muttered in an exhausted tone as he weighed the hammer in his hand then turned away shakily to set it on an empty work desk, bracing his hands on the surface with his back to Steve.

The soldier moved then, over the line of tools and Tony's full peripheral vision to set Peter's badge on the desk surface.

"I didn't think you were gonna open the door for me. So," he exhaled heavily. "Why don't you grab a shower, I'll see if you have anything in the fridge and we get around to that talk we've been putting off for a few years?" Steve let his eyes close for a second before he added. "And if after that you decide there's no way for us to talk or work together again, I'll keep our interaction down to the next world ending event."

Steve watched Tony's shoulders tense and then they shook. It was concerning until a dry, unused laugh reached his ears. Tony's laugh didn't last long, but it wasn't forced at least.

Tony turned and looked at Steve hard, a look the soldier stayed still under.

"If I shower, are you shaving the Grizzly Adams beard?" He asked seriously.

Steve gave him an unimpressed frown. "No."

Tony nodded. "Good."

The genius moved past Steve, pocketing the badge as he went to the lab door. "If you make me smiley face pancakes I'll blast your motorcycle to scrap metal."

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	3. Confront

Surprisingly, the fridge was still well stocked. Of course, that could have meant that Tony was simply taking all his sustenance via liquid forms which wasn't a comforting thought. Cooking gave Steve something to do while he waited for Tony to come back, though the tension still rode high in the soldier's shoulders.

This meeting was a long time coming and it could go a lot of bad ways, only a few options was there something repairable. It took years for them to build the friendship they'd destroyed in a matter of days. It had taken extreme manipulation, but it still broke.

"Alright."

Tony's brisk voice pulled Steve's attention from the pan he was working over to see the genius stride in stiffly, changed into a blue dress shirt and black slacks, hair raked back into order which only made the cuts and bruises on his face stand out in sharper relief.

"Now that you're here, Rogers, let's get this over with, shall we?" Tony's voice was business with an edge of rising anger. Going to the bubbling coffee pot the genius pulled out a mug and poured with the stiff motions of a man in need of his fix. "Maybe then the kids will stop acting like mommy and daddy's divorce was because of them."

He had yet to look at Steve.

"So where should we start? The Accords? Sergeant Barnes? The fact that you kept your war buddy killing my parents a secret? Got a lot of options to pick from." Tony muttered bitterly , taking a swallow of his coffee and freezing. "Or the fact that you just made me drink decaf like some twisted sadist?" Tony asked in disbelief, looking at Steve for the first time with a far less hateful look of accusation.

Steve learned a long time ago how to throw Tony out of a mood by messing the genius' caffeine. It wasn't a permanent thing but it gave the soldier a moment to take a breath and meet those sharp brown eyes head on.

"I didn't think more caffeine was going to help anyone after seeing how jumpy you were," Steve said seriously.

Tony's brows raised at that. "Oh, I'm sorry. Was I supposed to roll out a welcoming party for a former friend and fugitive? How dare I be on guard since besides helping to kick Thanos' ass, the last time I saw you we were both seconds away from taking each others heads off." The theatrical sarcasm dripped with an aftertaste of venom. Tony punctuated his words by pouring his mug out in the sink and setting it down on the counter harshly before flinging the cupboard door open to grab actual coffee.

Steve spent a few minutes focusing solely on the pan in front of him, making sure the bacon and eggs didn't burn due to inattention and gave him an excuse not to really look at Tony.

After he got the coffee going, Tony shook his head. "With all that in mind, Rogers, I'm gonna ask again, why are you here?"

Steve portioned the food off onto two plates already harboring toast and melted butter. Setting the pan aside and turning off the oven, Steve turned to find Tony looking at him expectantly, something unreadable in his expression.

"When people were disappearing, when Thanos used the gauntlet…" Steve took the moment to meet Tony's gaze. "I thought you were gone too. I thought everyone that disappeared was dead and I would never get to make amends with you, that Siberia would be the last time we saw or spoke to each other. So when Peter and Rhodey told me you'd been MIA for weeks, I felt we'd waited long enough."

Tony blinked at him, looking for all the world like he was trying to keep his face in check. "And.." the genius cleared his throat. "What if I don't feel like it has been?"

Steve crossed his arms over his chest. "Then after you eat and I have proof of life for everyone...I'll leave till you're ready to talk."

He was losing ground the further this got, the more it seemed like Tony wanted nothing to do with fixing things. But part of it had to be an act. Tony wouldn't even be in the same room with him now if there wasn't some hope on his part as well that they could work this out, right?

The silence filled the kitchen, a new, uncomfortable habit. Steve could see Tony's eyes unfocus as the other man thought it over, weighed the pros and cons to either choice no doubt. Then the coffee maker beeped and Tony inhaled sharply, pulled from the moment and gratefully turned to the machine to make himself a fresh cup of caffeine.

"We'll talk," Tony finally said, sounding exhausted again. Steve hated that sound, but the words gave him hope.

A ghost of a smile played at Steve's mouth. "Thank you, Tony," Steve breathed, honest gratitude in his voice.

Tony looked up at Steve in that moment and knew one thing, he was absolutely fucked.

Author's Note: Next chapter is a POV change!


	4. Panic

Authors Note: **Trigger** **Warning** \- Panic attacks will be highlighted in this chapter.

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"Look, the last few year-"

Of course Steve would try to start talking right away. But Tony had been living off coffee, scotch and whatever 'take out' Rhodey had left him on the colonels last failed visit a few days ago. "Okay, no word more word vomiting before food, Rogers."

It bought Tony time to clear and arrange his thoughts with the added handicap of having the object of a lot of pain and relief, Rogers, hovering around.

Grabbing the loaded plate of carbs and protein, Tony didn't even bother with a thank you and dug into the food that smelled more heavenly than it probably was. He'd been feeling lightheaded since Steve arrived, probably due to lack of nourishment and it reminded him too much of Space. He liked to think as little about being in Space as possible these days. What it felt like when the air started to run out in Space…

A crash and strong hands on his upper arms brought Tony back to the present. Tony's eyes found the issues quickly. His plate smashed on the floor when it fell from his shaky fingers, to Steve's concerned face unusually close and the soldiers hands on his arms to keep Tony from falling as well. The fact that Steve was saying his name came on a ten second delay as Tony latched onto the man's forearms to keep his balance.

"-ony! Tony!" Steve said urgently. "Hey, stay with me, okay?"

Jesus, Tony must have gone completely unfocused for that response. The panic attack started to creep up then, putting a vice grip around his heart and making his breath short. Of all the people to do this in front of. That thought only made the panic leap another story higher and he more felt than was completely aware of Steve moving him to a chair and grabbing his wrist to check Tony's pulse which was no doubt racing against the soldiers fingers.

"Tony, what's-"

"Pills. Water." Tony grit out. Waving his hands towards the cabinet above the coffee maker. He heard Steve get on with it. So Tony braced his elbows on the table and focused on breathing.

Breathing is the enemy of anxiety. Breath fucker, breath!

The moment the pill bottle and glass of water appeared on the table, Tony quickly and efficiently snapped off the cap and popped two before chugging the glass of water. It was already a mental relief to know he took the pills, now he just had to hold on long enough for them to kick in. He just needed to breath.

That's when he felt a broad hand on his back. It made Tony tense, waiting for more to follow.

But Steve didn't speak, didn't try to enfold him in a binding hug or tell him to calm down. God if Steve would have told him to breath, Tony would have smashed the empty glass into his newly bearded face. Tony knew how to fucking breath!

But none of that happened. Instead Steve just kept the weight of his hand on Tony's back, just reassuring pressure. It gave Tony something to focus on instead of the panic attack itself. And while he focused on how good and solid that hand felt, Tony managed to find a healthy rhythm to his breathing. The cage loosened around his heart and as the minutes of blessed silence passed, the pills did the rest to bring the panic down and drop Tony slowly into languid, exhausted calm. His muscles ached and his chest stung. A nap sounded absolutely fucking amazing. But he'd have to hold off on all that.

"Passed," Tony muttered hoarsely.

Steve's hand moved off Tony's back and the genius had to bite down on his tongue to stop from asking the man to keep touching him. Wrong place and definitely the wrong time for that.

A few seconds later Steve pushed his untouched plate of food in front of Tony and a fresh glass of water.

Tony shook his head. "I think you need that more than I do." He tried for teasing but it came out flat. "Super soldier metabolism and all."

Steve sat down near Tony and tapped the pill bottles' top. "It says you need to eat with these."

Which meant Steve also read what they were for and probably how often Tony was 'supposed' to be taking them. Tony grudgingly pulled the plate closer and started to eat, hoping he could put a lot of uncomfortable questions off that way.

"How long have you needed these?"

Or not.

Tony drained half the glass of water before he answered, without looking at Steve.

"Since the attack on New York," he said with a shrug.

Steve was silent for a moment. "Which one?"

Tony didn't like his tone, but there was no use lying. "Loki."

He chanced a look then and Steve looked more than concerned, he looked perplexed.

"Tony, why didn't you say anything about this? Would you have said anything about this?"

Tony cleared his plate and emptied the water glass before standing abruptly, dumping the dishes in the sink loudly. "It's not really anyone's business. It wasn't getting in the way of the team. I had it handled."

Steve stood and narrowed his eyes. "Tony, that didn't look handled. That looked far from it and you know that," the chastising tone raised Tony's hackles instantly. "Why didn't you reach out to any of us?"

"Maybe because there was no one to reach out to!" He barked, seething suddenly. The step back that Steve took was viciously gratifying and spurred Tony on.

"Maybe because I thought everyone I knew and cared about was dead while I was slowly dying in space, or because before that everyone was looking at me to keep the team together, to keep everyone safe while you and the rest of the defectors who didn't want to play ball just disappeared! Maybe I didn't have a choice but to be 'fine', Rogers." Tony growled.

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	5. Release

Steve flinched back, the look on his face painted in shades of pain and guilt. The horrified look as the revelation hit the soldier...it took all the gratification out of Tony. A migraine built behind tired brown eyes and that flutter of self loathing and doubt made a half hearted vicious whisper in Tony's ear.

Maybe if this chased Steve off then maybe Tony could go back to his isolation and they'd finally leave him alone. No one to betray or hate you if no one was around.

Shock reverberated through Tony's body when warmth suddenly engulfed him, pulled him towards a strong chest where it felt like the most fantastic heat lived. Tony blinked at the space past Steve's shoulder as the reality of the hug and how quickly the soldier had crossed the space between them set in.

"I'm sorry, Tony...I'm so sorry," Steve breathed so close to Tony's ear it made the genius shiver. "I should have noticed."

No, no, no. Steve wasn't supposed to be apologizing, he was supposed to be running. Or just get angrier with Tony. Just like everyone else he'd managed to run off.

Tony's vision swam out of focus at the words and he pressed his face to Steve's shoulder for a moment to stop the hot tears rolling down his cheek and prayed at the same time that they wouldn't soak through Steve's motorcycle jacket to the man's skin.

"It wasn't your responsibility," Tony tried to say dismissively, his throat tight as he tried to pat Steve awkwardly as a sign to let go.

"Shut up," Steve said firmly instead, tightening his arms around Tony in response. "Stop acting like you don't need anyone for five seconds, Tony. You deserve that."

It shouldn't have, but the permission loosened some string in Tony's muscles and he finally relaxed into Steve's arms, grateful and so exhausted as he finally let his arms wrap around Steve's lower back. His forehead fell on Steve's shoulder and everything went black.

Tony shot awake with a shock, hands fisting in the sheet pressed around him. Sweat beaded under his hair as wild eyes took in the interior of his own bedroom. Confusion creased the genius's forehead, wondering if the whole thing had been a strange, sleep deprived dream.

"Friday," Steve asked hoarsely. "Has anyone been in the tower?"

"Still is, boss," Friday answered, quieter than usual. "Even tucked you into bed when you passed out."

That's when Tony's eyes landed on Steve.

The soldier was asleep in a large chair obviously moved from the old Avengers commons room. The chair was placed a fair distance from Tony's bed, next to the door. Motorcycle jacket draped over Steve's front as a makeshift blanket, feet propped up on an overflowing laundry basket. It was unnerving that Steve felt comfortable enough to sleep in the same room as Tony. Then again, it sounded like Tony had passed out in his arms earlier, so the soldier probably figured fair was fair.

Idiot.

Tony rolled his shoulders, much of the sleep deprived tension not so much vanished but less painfully present. He was missing his dress shirt and shoes and Tony snorted softly, seeing clearly how Steve's expression must have been a riot of concern and indecision on whether he should get Tony down to his pants and undershirt or not.

"How long have I been out?" Tony asked, quieter this time, so as not to rouse the soldier, yet. He grabbed an earpiece from his bedside table and pressed it in so Friday's voice would go private mode.

"12 hours. The Cap'n kept himself busy for about 8 of those before passing out in here," Friday reported.

Tony cursed under his breath. Noticing the glass of water and 2 advil waiting for him on the bedside table as well. He took them on his way to the bathroom and shut the door with a quiet click.

The mirror didn't exactly show the carefree man he'd been a few months ago. On the verge of marrying Pepper and daring to think about kids after intentionally shoving an unnecessary arc reactor back into his chest. He dragged the front of his wife beater down to look at the glittering blue and silver cleanly inserted into his chest. Without it, he wouldn't have even been prepared for the attack on New York that day, been useless to help Strange. Little good that did in the long run. Thanos won that day and Tony nearly died before he could help bring the others back.

Shaking off memories he'd rather not dwell on, he ran the sink and splashed his face.

"Friday, pull up video from the last 12 hours."

The mirror flickered to life in front of him as the kitchen video log came up. It showed pretty much what Tony had expected. The panic attack, Tony lashing out afterwards and then the hug. A few seconds after he returned the hug, Tony saw himself slowly slip out of consciousness and become dead weight in Steve's arms.

The look on Steve's face actually made Tony smirk, the expression of panic and how he gave Tony's limp body a little shake to see if he was awake was amusing as hell. The bridal carry Steve had to sweep Tony's unconscious body into a moment later bloomed heat on the genius neck but he tampered it down as he watched the cameras track Steve's progress to Tony's room.

The whole thing was uneventful from theer and as Tony had expected, Steve looked torn before getting dress shirt and shoes off. Tony was losing interest in the video and started to get his toothbrush under the sink faucet. He'd been black out drunk enough times to know this was all really normal, necessary procedure actions.

Then an unusual movement caught Tony's attention and brought his eyes back up to the video in time to see Steve lean down over him in the video and pressing a lingering kiss on the genius' forehead.

What the fuck?!

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Author's Note: Reviews are love and let me know how the stories doing! 3


	6. Caught

Author's Note: Whoops! The week was more eventful than I planned, but updates are back up in full swing!

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"Track back to time stamp 3:12," Tony said quietly, toothbrush forgotten in the sink bowl as the video rewinded and continued moving after Steve set the newly discarded dress shirts on Tony's bedroom floor.

The blond still had one knee on the bed to balance himself and pulled the blankets up around Tony's passed out form. It was hard to miss this time, that look on Steve's face as he paused over Tony. The bob of the man's Adam's apple before he bent down and pressed his lips to Tony's forehead, eyes closed and lingering far longer than any friend or associate really should.

Had they had the kind of friendship that was physically affectionate this might not have thrown Tony for a loop. Hell, he might have brushed it aside as some weird side effect of thinking each other had died before seeing each other on the battlefield during the last fight with Thanos.

Steve combing Tony's hair back from his face gently with a sad smile really blew that theory out of the water though.

Tony copied the motion with his own hand through his hair. A shiver ran down Tony's spine at the touch he hadn't even been awake to feel. Would he have enjoyed it? Hell, in his state last night would he have slugged Steve or pulled him into bed?

Tony remembered to breath when he saw Steve pull away on the video, and very quickly, the soldier left the room.

"Friday, does that happen again?"

"No, boss. The Cap'n spends the rest of the time cleaning and working out. Then he moves the chair into your room to sleep," Friday reported.

In a tower full of bedrooms, including Steve's old rooms on the same floor, why the hell had he done that?

Sure enough, as the video sped up, Steve came back carrying the chair like it was nothing and set it down by the door and sleep.

Tony wiped the video away and stared at his own reflection in the mirror. He really did look like hell. Even after the shower and food, the last few weeks of drinking and refusing to sleep unless his body shut down for a few hours had taken their toll. He was sure the black eyes and cuts would have at least healed better if he'd done more of the whole sleeping thing at least.

That was all something Tony could take care of later. The real question now was...what the hell did he do with Steve Rogers?

Steve woke up abruptly when the chair he'd been sleeping in was kicked from the side.

"Rise and shine, Captain Fugitive."

Grunting, blinked blurrily up at Tony for a few seconds before scrubbing his eyes clear of grit and sitting up.

"That'd be clever if I was still a fugitive," Steve reasoned, voice thick from sleep.

He heard Tony make an odd noise and his eyes focused on the genius then, remembering all too clearly the man collapsing earlier.

"Feeling any better?" He asked. "Kinda scared me there for a second when you passed out."

Tony snorted, the man wasn't meeting his eyes. "Yeah, well it wasn't your charms that made me faint away. Lack of sleep and nutrients will do that though."

Back to this, okay. Steve was hoping at least the sarcasm might have faded. But the hard edge to Tony's voice was still present.

Steve stood, eyeing the man who at least looked clean and dressed in one of his normal band t-shirts. Steve slipped on his jacket and at least attempted to comb his own hair back into some kind of order. Slipping his hands into his jean pockets, Steve shrugged his shoulders.

"Should I make dinner, then?"

Author's Note: Whoops! Week was more eventful than I intended, but updates will be back in full swing!

Tony narrowed his eyes at Steve, arms folded firmly over the glow of his arc reactor. "Is getting rid of you anytime soon an option instead?" The genius quipped.

Steve felt one side of his mouth quirk up and felt warmer than he should have under that suspicious glare. "Nope."

He watched the genius let out a frustrated sigh, but it lacked the vicious bite from the previous night. "Fine," the genius muttered and walked past him out the bedroom door before shooting, "By the way, Rogers, consent is sexy. If you're gonna get all handsy and go kissing people have the balls to do it when I'm awake."

Steve froze and felt his stomach clench.


	7. Touch

Author's Note: Wooboy, I got busy there for a bit! But we are back and it's time for a bit of fluff before we get back to the fun tension! I'm sure we all need it as much as our favorite boys!

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Tony stopped when he didn't feel the blond lumberjack on his heels. He turned to see Steve looking 3 levels of stricken.

"Hey, Cap. Not fair pulling the kicked puppy act when you get accused, you know," Tony said suddenly feeling like the bad guy. "I'm sure we had some kind of HR rules I've abused the hell outta in between commenting on Clint and Natasha's asses years ago. Oh, yours was commented on often enough too, leather does wonders for you stealth soldier types." He was babbling. Why was he babbling? "So...take a joke, okay?"

But really, was Tony joking? Or was he just feeling the consequences of calling the man out on his actions last night?

They had so much to talk about, this seemed so low on the list of sins, but it was the one Tony for some reason was focusing on. It was a pleasant, more agreeable sin than the others at least.

"Tony…" Steve murmured his name, but it got Tony's attention all the same, looking up to see it was Steve's turn to avoid eye contact. "When everything went to hell, I thought you were dead. And I…" It had to be a trick of the light to that Steve's eyes looked shiny, it had to be. Steve looked up, gave Tony a weak smile and walked forward.

Tony stood stock still, feeling frozen to the spot as he watched Steve with open fascination.

Steve closed the distance and lifted a hand to cup the back of Tony's head before pressing his lips to Tony's forehead like he'd done in the surveillance video. Tony's eyes slid shut of their own accord, but he kept his hands at his sides against every instinct he had to reach out and touch the soldier.

He felt the pressure change and realized Steve had pressed his forehead to Tony's. He couldn't open his eyes right now, he couldn't be that close to those deep blue eyes.

"I should have been there with you, Tony. Shoulder to shoulder. Not wondering if the last time I'd seen you was in Siberia..." Steve's thick voice was not hard to read, nor was the undertone. But Tony needed space or he was going to push this to a point he highly doubted Steve intended it to go to.

Feeling Steve's breath on his cheek and lips made Tony want to lean that little bit forward, instead he bit down on his tongue hard and rocked backwards. Being touch starved was no excuse to push what seemed to be an innocent display of affection. Though some niggling, stupidly hopeful part of him said this didn't feel innocent. More the reason to stop it now.

"I'm sure Barnes fretted the whole time you talked about coming here that I'd 'take off your head' the moment you turned your back on me," Tony spat, opening his eyes to see the pained look on Steve's face before the soldier could put up his defenses.

Tony regretted it the moment it came out of his mouth, but it worked. Steve dropped his hand away and stepped back, leaving Tony to breath only his own air. Tony felt cold.

"Yeah, well...none of us walked away from Siberia in one piece," Steve agreed, but there was no heat in it. Just pain. The soldier shook his head. "I'll get us some food going."

Steve made to walk past and Tony silently cursed himself before grabbing a passing upper arm to stop the soldier. He felt the iron muscles coil tightly under his touch. Whether because Steve was surprised by the touch or prepping for a fight was unclear. But Tony still held on for a second before speaking.

"Okay…" Tony finally said, feeling as tired as he sounded.

"Okay, what?" Steve asked, turning to look at the genius's profile curiously.

Tony took a deep, calming breath and exhaled before turning his head to look at Steve. "Let's talk, really talk. We'll order something food wise for now. Let's just...talk."

Tony felt as much as saw Steve relax, relief mixed with trepidation on the soldiers face. Tony didn't blame him, this was not gonna be fun. But hopefully, they could actually talk this time.

Steve nodded, "Okay, let's talk."


	8. Talk

Author's Note: Meant to post on Valentine's Day. Enjoy!

It felt strange sitting in the old Avengers common room again. This space hadn't been in real use for years now and while the memories of movie nights, communal post mission naps and ridiculous debates echoed in the empty space, hollow now as the Captain America exhibit at the Smithsonian had been so long ago.

Steve was shaking the memory of laughter and good natured cajoling over trying to lift Mjolnir when Tony came back into the room.

"Turns out that family run Thai place is still standing after the last few world ending attacks on the city and even remembers our old orders," the genius said almost conversationally as he found a seat on the other side of the sitting area, the coffee table between them, but Steve could hear the forced airiness.

Steve forced a weak smile in return and pulled his thumb from his still tingling lips, "I'm sure it's still standing for the same reason your favorite Shwarma place is."

Tony shrugged his shoulders. "Guilty, but their son's back from college for break, figured he wouldn't mind the cushy delivery trip for old times sake."

Of all the angry outbursts and odd lulls since Steve had arrived at the tower, this moment felt the most fragile.

It was a brief pause where neither of them wanted to go first. It was clear and Steve knew they'd had enough silence to last for decades so he sighed and leaned forward on the edge of the couch, elbows braced on his knees, flexing his fingers to get the stiffness out of them. Howard's super soldier serum might have slowed his aging to a crawl and given him elevated abilities, but it had been a long decade, even on Steve's enhanced body.

"I've been more compromised than I'd like to admit since S.H.E.I.L.D. fell," Steve admitted finally, firmly. Looking at Tony across from him, he saw the genius tense when one of their voices broke the quiet standoff. But Tony didn't interrupt, not even for a quip. He let Steve have the floor.

Steve felt comfort in that allowance and pressed on. "I thought I finally had a handle on the world around me, I thought I knew what happened in my past and then I was finding that not only was I working for an organization I changed myself to take down but…" Steve felt that knee jerk reaction not to mention Bucky's name. He didn't know if it was time to bring up his best friend.

"They kept your old beau on ice to kill everyone he knew or cared about?" Tony interjected into the silence, short but with less acid than Steve had expected.

He looked at the genius and Tony simply nodded for him to keep going, still looking tense but getting through it all the same.

Steve's brow furrowed. "Best friend, not beau," he corrected and saw something odd in Tony's gaze shift that he couldn't identify. So he pushed on. "But yeah. It threw off everything and my focus became... split. One half of me was trying to be what everyone needed as a leader and the other half...I just wanted to find Bucky." His throat felt thick then. "I didn't know then, Tony...I swear I didn't know that they sent Bucky after Howard. They closed pubs in Europe together whenever Howard met up with us in the day…" Stave dragged his fingers roughly through his hair. "He told me after The Accords had started rolling. It just felt too late then. So much had already happened."

Tony snorted, pulling Steve's attention in time to see the genius roll the building tension out of his shoulders. "Your 'best friend' trying to shoot me in the face point blank does feel like the wrong time," he said sarcastically. But the lines in Tony's face showed how torn the man was. "Jesus, Steve, why didn't you come to me when you found out? When we took Barnes in, you shut up like a drum. You treated me like the fucking enemy when I wanted to help him just as much as you did. For you. Do you have any idea how much easier things would have been if you'd just trusted me?"

"When would have been a good time, Tony?" Steve shot back, finally feeling some of the agitation from that point fill up inside him again. He saw Tony's jaw tighten in response, but it reminded Steve very much of that moment when he had a pen shoved in his face. "When you wanted to 'punch me in my perfect teeth'? After Bucky had been mind controlled and put a gun to your face? Maybe across the airport runway in front of everyone."

"How about the goddamn moment you found out, Steve?!" Tony bellowed back, jaw so tight Steve heard the painful grit of teeth it caused. As quickly as it came, Tony seemed to deflate in on himself, his hands visibly shaking. "Why wasn't I the first person that came to mind? Why wouldn't you…" Tony got up to pace, shaking his head. "I should have heard it from you, Rogers. Not that sick bastard."

Steve hated how lost Tony's voice sounded. Almost as much as he hated knowing Tony was absolutely right.

Standing in one fluid motion, Steve caught Tony on a pivot of the genius's heel and grasped the man's upper arms to stop his pacing. Steve didn't get punched for it, but Tony was absolutely tense as rebar beneath Steve's grip.

It took an extra few seconds before Tony looked at him. And Steve was patient when he had to be, he waited for that moment to look Tony in the eyes before he spoke. "You're right," he said quietly. "I didn't want to lose either of you, Tony. But if I'd wanted that, I should have told you."

Absently, his thumb slid under the hem of Tony's sleeve, brushing over the far too warm skin hiding there.

Steve saw the moment Tony remembered to breathe, the sharp rise of his chest as those slightly wide eyes searched his face fractically for something.

Tony moved and Steve felt it like there a magnet in his chest, for once it was not in opposition to Tony, but reeling Steve in. Heart thudding in his chest, nothing felt wrong about the way Tony took a fistful of Steve's jacket collar and pulled him down.

"Boss, dinner is at the door," Friday's voice sliced through the silence of the room.

Tony stopped pulling Steve in, his breath fluttering over the soldiers lips in a soft, short laugh. Steve felt every nerve ending screaming at the AI, at the poor kid waiting at the door for them.

Steve made to move back, give the genius room. But the grip on his collar tightened and the warmth of Tony's body was pressed against Steve's chest and hips.

"Don't even think about moving, Rogers," Tony growled a fraction from kissing distance. Steve didn't know when his hands ended up on Tony's hips, but they weren't moving and neither was Steve.

"What about the food?" It was a question Steve wasn't really looking for an answer to, purely a response on autopilot to give Tony an out.

Steve's world zeroed down to the feel of coiled muscles against his body and the smell of Tony's cologne. Tony had to make the first move here but it was still hell to hang in that limbo and wait for it.

"He'll get a massive tip for waiting," Tony rumbled before yanking Steve down the rest of the way and slamming their mouths together harshly.

As if for once they could synch up perfectly, they opened to each other. There was no awkward click of teeth, no turning this way or that to find the right fit. It was fluid. Lips locking into place with a hot, hungry slide of tongues that pulled a musical sound from Tony and keening purr from Steve.

It was perfect and the heat climbed fast. Tony's fingernails scratched against Steve's scalp, Steve pulled the man's hips closer which knocked a delicious groan from the genius's throat.

Friday had the audacity to clear her nonexistent throat impatiently.

Tony pulled away, eyes a little wild, mouth pink from the kiss. "Right, food...I should-"

"Not yet," it was Steve's turn to growl as he gathered Tony up and turned to press the shorter man against the nearest wall and take over the kiss, using his larger bulk and years of wet dreams to desperately learn Tony's mouth before common sense had the chance to intervene.

Tony whimpered into the initial intensity of his new position, caught between the wall and Steve's hunger. But Tony got a grip and would not be outdone by letting greedy hands find their way under Steve's shirt, sliding over the muscles of the soldier's back and then down, down, down to grasp and pull at Steve's ass.

Steve didn't need the encouragement, but he was willing to take direction as he moved to slide a thigh between Tony's legs and shifted just so to give the genius friction.

That seemed to be the line as Tony suddenly broke the kiss and moved both hands to Steve's chest and pushed. It wasn't enough to really dislodge Steve, but it got the point across and the soldier moved back, giving them both space to breath with his hands braced against the wall on either side of Tony's head.

The ruffled, panting mess of Tony Stark with kiss red lips staring back at him was a sight that made a new wave of need shoot through Steve. But as if sensing that new wave coming on, Tony suddenly ducked out from under the cage of Steve's arms and ran a hand quickly through his hair to make sure things were in place.

"Right…" Tony trailed off, distracted from whatever he'd planned on saying as his eyes traveled over Steve with an expression that was one part shock, one part want. "Don't go fugitive again while I grab food. Yeah?"

Steve had enough brain function to nod before the genius darted away for the door.

In allowed Steve to let his forehead rest against the wall he'd moments ago had Tony pressed against and worked on catching his breath.

What the fuck were they doing?


End file.
